Listen Up: 25 Women Speak on How Age Changed Their Sex Life

The way we see and handle things in our lives is always changing, you look to your teenage years and you see an endless loop of thoughts and insecurities as you looking for acceptance to handle that poisonous medium of teenagers, you look to your 20s and you see an ambitious strong girl seeking to figure her life out and prove herself, you hit your 30s and you see that grown-up woman who got through a lot to figure out who she is, what she wants, and where she wants to be now. Your love and sex life have had a worthy role in each phase, it deserves to speak up for and figure what you hate and how you want for it to be. We spoke with 25 women and asked them to share how age changed the way they handle their sex life.

On Age and Sex

“Sex life is massively more enjoyable now, in my 30s, than it ever was before. I feel like a huge aspect of this is the learning curves my sexual development and relationships took in my teens and twenties. I learned a lot about my own personal needs, but more importantly, I learned how to respect my own personal needs and find someone completely compatible with me sexually and romantically.

I spent a lot of time in my teens and most of my twenties, trying to appease and satisfy men whose sexual needs were completely different from my own. Then I hit a point where I just gave all that shit up and found someone whose needs, kinks and drive matches my own. I didn’t do it consciously, I just worked on finding someone who has the same interests, passions, hobbies, and lifestyle who I also found attractive (hard enough to get those ticked!), and the chemistry was gut-wrenchingly intense. We couldn’t eat, sleep, or think without each other, and an intensely passionate relationship ensued. We have mindblowing sex all the time and I couldn’t be happier.”

 

“Me at 17 Sex is so cool! I’m cool! I should tell everyone else about my sex life because they will think I’m cool, too! Me at 20, I really don’t want to hear people sharing their sex life everywhere”

 

“Sex used to be a competition with my peers and I was always losing because I was a “prude” I would sometimes exaggerate how much sex I was having or make up stories about getting hit on to be “cool”. Now I just honestly get the creeps if people try to give me too much detail about their nether regions”

“That it is not as embarrassing as I thought to be “older” and still be a virgin. I used to lie all the time in my first year of college because I didn’t want to be that 19-year-old girl who never had sex because I thought that meant I was seen as undesirable. Now I am rather proud of the fact that it took me a while to get there, I was way more mature and able to handle the potential consequences and emotions that come with a sexual relationship.”

 

On How Much You Should Have Sex

“I been married a year, together for four, and we have sex maybe once a week. I used to get insecure because I had read about couples having sex every day or every other day. I worried about this especially since we had sex daily for the first four months of our relationship and it tapered off after that. But it’s okay!!! If you’re having fun and good sex, and you’re happy with how much you’re having it, it doesn’t matter how often it happens. It took me a good year to accept that, and a lot of conversations with my husband. I’m in a good place now.”

 

“My partner and I sometimes will have sex a couple of times a week, sometimes only a couple of times a month. I think the holidays help us realize that we are attracted to one another, just everyday life bogs us down. It’s ok not to feel sexy or feel like having sex, just remind each other that you do love and are attracted to them.”
“Once I started realizing that emotional and mental connection is just as important as the physical connection and that you can still show physical attraction without needing to take your clothes off, I stopped worrying about my sex life and the days on the calendar.”

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“We’ve been together for six years, living together for three, got married a month ago. Sometimes we go several weeks without having sex, but then we have phases it is every day for a little while. We sometimes have so much on our plate there’s no time or energy for sex, but when we have sex it’s good, fun and we enjoy ourselves so I know we’re in a good, healthy place.”

On Hot Guys

“A guy doesn’t have to look like a model for the sex to be great and often times hot guys can make for bad sex.”
“I was dating an older guy, extremely attractive and successful, I played him up in my head and assumed he would be outstanding in bed. When we finally did sleep together, it was the absolute worst sex of my life. He seemed blissfully unaware of how terrible he was, a few months later, I dated a guy who was not very attractive, and who was insecure about his appearance, he was outstanding in the bedroom, he totally knew what he was doing. I no longer associate good looks with skills in the sack.”

On Intimacy of Sex

“I used to think that sex would create intimacy and the woman would always get attached, so I didn’t have sex until later on in life. Now I know it only means as much as you make of it.”

 

“Sex is a way to be intimate, but it is not always and it is not the only way to be intimate. Yes, sex helps me feel close, but so does chatting while he is in the shower and I am doing my makeup. So does watch a movie with my head on his shoulder and he leans his cheek on my head, so does catching him watching me trim his daughter’s hair.”

 

“Intimacy was one of my fears, I waited till after my 20s to have sex. Ended up doing it for the first time at 25 and realized the attachment doesn’t just happen from one night of sexy time but actually from the multiple times of seeing that person and how comfortable you become with that person. It’s just funny to me though how both guys I slept with since I became 25, I ended up dating them both.”

 

“It only means as much as you make of it.”

 

” That is more about being connected with your partner (intimacy) than the release but that the release can turn a bad mood into a better one like nothing else can.”

On Casual Sex

“I am skeptical that casual sex has the potential to ever be wholly gratifying for me. Not because it’s inherently bad, but because of the way most men will behave.”

 

” If I don’t trust the guy fully then I just can’t have sex with him. Even if I am super attracted and he is the most attractive guy, I have to be able to trust him.”

 

“This is my issue with casual sex, some men are so quick to be dismissive of you and try to knock down your ego and I don’t know why. Like, they have an “I can take you or leave you” attitude. When I come across dudes that act like this, I just laugh at them trying hard to get me while simultaneously making me feel bad, negging just makes them look dumb.”

 

“I guess the absolute best advice I have is that casual sex is stupid as a young woman not because of some moralizing crap, but because it is dangerous for and I doubt it is very enjoyable for a lot of the people that participate. You can have sex outside of a relationship, but I will never tell young women to have sex with strangers or on a whim. Female socialization makes us eager to please, I just caution women without a lot of sexual experience to take a step back and really think about why they want to do what they want to do. Perhaps you will avoid the trauma I or a lot of my friends at the time didn’t get to.

You can be badass, down and fun without sharing your body. Cool girls know that men aren’t shit and won’t push their sexual boundaries. Sex isn’t the time to compromise on what makes you feel safe and valued, it’s a crucial part of the experience.”

On Chemistry and Attraction

“I have learned that you can’t force attraction, and attraction is fundamental. My first relationship was with a guy that I wasn’t attracted to, and I just went along with it, and never enjoyed sex, I never wanted to try anything, was never adventurous, was rather prudish.”

It wasn’t until after we ended things that I realized he was the prude, and I just wasn’t that into him. After that experience, I have no tolerance for men I’m not attracted to.”

 

“The number of friends I have had who felt guilt-tripped into “giving a guy a chance” even if the chemistry wasn’t there. Almost especially when the chemistry wasn’t there, like it will turn up after a few sessions of laying there and staring at the ceiling thinking about laundry.

If you can think about laundry while having sex, and that thought isn’t, “damn we’re going to have to do a lot of it”, it is bad sex.”

 

“I married a guy I was sexually like warm for. I loved him as a person and friend and thought it would be ok. It wasn’t. The second marriage he is smokin hot, completed 7 years last month with children. Sex is still adventurous and often enough spontaneous, not as frequent as in the beginning, of course, but still mind-blowing when I get in the mood.”

 

“I agreed to go out with a guy because he was fun, ended up dating him for quite a while because I didn’t know how to end it. The worst part is that people make you out to be this shallow person when you don’t give unattractive guys a chance, but you cannot be with someone you don’t find attractive. There’s just no way.”

 

“I wasn’t very attracted to my first boyfriend! I just wanted a boyfriend, but I didn’t realize it at the time. He was the only person I have had sex with, so now I can’t wait until I have sex with someone I am actually attracted to.”

 

“Don’t play the game of (if they were healthier, I think they’d be attractive). Because part of being attracted to someone is who they are as a person. Maybe a guy you are attracted to is equal in all other ways, but that is just the way it is. Either you are attracted or you aren’t If you think you might be able to make them hot by helping out their lifestyle, start by only being their friend first and helping with that.”